


Comfortable in Your Skin

by thymewitch



Category: Sword Art Online
Genre: Gender Issues, Post-Canon, Self-Discovery, gender fluid characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 03:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13449936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thymewitch/pseuds/thymewitch
Summary: It wasn't that Kirito's body was wrong. Just...sometimes it didn't quite fit.In which Kirito is a confused and has an enlightening conversation and I project some of my own thoughts onto characters.





	Comfortable in Your Skin

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware the characters are a little OOC, but to be honest, I was rewatching Sword Art Online 2 and I was hit with a need to write this. 
> 
> Also, I was unsure as to how to organise the pronouns in the beginning due to Kirito's lack of awareness. As I, personally, don't care to much anymore about what pronouns people use for me, I don't really know the etiquette for writing it. If you have advice or corrections, I would love to know.

****

It wasn't that he felt uncomfortable in his body. Just that sometimes, maybe, he felt out of place, like maybe his skin didn't fit properly. He'd loved it when he was little and people had called him ma'am or young lady and some days the idea of wearing the dresses his grandmother had picked out for Sugu looked so tempting, but people had long since stopped calling him ma'am and Sugu's dresses had always been out of reach. Still, he'd pretty much ignored it, hoping it would go away and it had been easy until converting to GGO.

Honestly, the first time someone had approached him and used female pronouns, Kirito had nearly jumped out of his skin. But later, hearing them use "her" had felt amazing. Kirito wasn't really sure what he was meant to do.

"Hey, Idiot!"

Kirito looked up, startled out of his musing. "Oh, hello Sinon," he said, waving slightly.

She squinted at him for a second then plopped down across from where he was sitting. "What's up? You look like you're really contemplating the meaning of life there."

"Do you ever...." Kirito paused, not sure how to continue. Maybe this was something everyone else felt and just ignored all the time? Maybe he wasn't meant to bring it up.

Her gaze was calculating as she watched him. and she opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by a voice from the table next to them.

"Look over there! The best girls in the game are together again!"

Sighing, Kirito glanced up. A group of young kids were gazing wide eyed at them. One girl was clutching her friends arm and pointing, obviously the one who'd spoken. He waved slightly, and they blushed.

Sinon frowned at him. "You should correct them, you know? It's wrong to mislead people like that," she said quietly.

Kirito clenched his hands into fists, looking down at them. Oh. A feeling of lead settled in his stomach. Today was one of those days. The sort days when he used to sneak into Sugu's room and stare at her dresses with a harsh longing. Being called a girl had made him light up a bit, made his skin feel a little less constricting and he didn't know what it meant.

"But-"

Kirito stopped, startled. The girl from the group had stood up and was coming over to them. She looked to be about 14 years old and was smiling shyly at them.

"Miss Sinon? Miss Kirito? Could you maybe sign this for me? It's just I'm a huge fan and I'm not strong enough yet but want to be like you guys!" She held out a poster, one of the ones from BoB showing Sinon and Kirito in their final showdown of the preliminaries. Posters were an interesting thing in the recent VR games. If you saved bought them as an item in game, you could print out the version you had saved in the real world. Sugu had a few from ALO in her room.

"Hey kid, Kirito's not a Miss you know," Sinon said, glaring at Kirito as if to say: 'clean up you're mess'.

The lead feeling in Kirito's gut increased and he hung his head, eyes stinging.

The younger girl startled, and her eyes flicked to Kirito. "But I thought..." she stuttered, backing away slightly.

Kirito glanced sideways at her, before taking a breath. "Actually," he murmured, looking back at his hands for a moment, stealing himself, then turning to face her. "It's fine. I think that suits me today."

He felt more than saw Sinon stiffen across from him and he flinched back slightly, expecting some sort of backlash. The young girl was staring at him, her eyes wider than ever and he gulped, hunching his shoulders and fixing his eyes on his hands again.

"I'm sorry," he stuttered. "Just ignore me." He took a deep breath. "She's right. I'm a-"

The word stuck in his throat.

"Are you...Kirito....are you maybe gender fluid?" Kirito's head snapped up. The girl was looking at him still, her gaze searching now. She moved back towards them a little.

"What?" He asked, voice catching.

"Gender fluid," she said, eyes fixed on Kirito's face. "Some days you're a girl, some days you're a guy, some days you're in between."

Kirito was the one staring now, mouth open slightly. "It- it has a name?" he whispered. "You mean I'm not broken? This is something real?"

"No!" The girl looked horrified. "Being gender fluid is never being broken. My kid sibling is! They don't play GGO, but they're really into ALO. There's a bit less gender stereotyping there because, you know, magic."

"They?" Kirito felt shaky.

"Yeah, they tend to go by they/them pronouns, but sometimes they use he or she. It just depends on the day."

Kirito gasped. "Can I do that?"

"Of course!"

It was like a light had switched in Kirito's head, lighting the thing that he - no today felt like she! She! - she'd been pushing away and ignoring for years. Tears stung her eyes. It was real. Other people felt like this. A hand touched hers and she turned her head slightly to see Sinon leaning across the table, one hand over her mouth and the other covering Kirito's.

"I'm so sorry, Kirito," Sinon said. "I didn't know."

She laughed, the sound distorted slightly by the tears she was holding back. "How could you have known? I didn't know. I just thought-" Kirito's voice broke and she stopped, pulling her hand free to swipe at her eyes. "I'm so sorry." Another laugh bubbled up through the tears. Kirito might be feeling a little bit hysterical if she was honest. "This turned into self-discovery session and all you wanted was an autograph."

The girl blinked and then blushed, clutching the poster to her. "Oh! It's fine, I'd actually forgotten."

"What's your name?" Kirito smiled, holding her hand out for the poster.

The girl handed it over, a small smile pulling at her mouth. "Eimi," she said. "Um, if you could also sign it to Kauro?" When Kirito glanced up at her from where she'd been signing, Eimi grinned. "My sibling. They'll love it, I think. You're kind of famous in other games as well."

When the girl had gone back to her table, poster now with a signature from Sinon and a thank you and signature from Kirito, Kirito slumped down and rested her forehead on the table. She still felt shaky and a bit like she might cry again, but it was good this time. The lead in her stomach was long gone and she felt a bit like flying.

"I think I'm going to change my avatar in ALO," Kirito mumbled after a minute of silence. "I don't know what I'm going to tell Asuna. Or my family for that matter."

"Kirito," Sinon tapped her on the head lightly and she looked up. Sinon's eyes were serious. "Asuna loves you. She won't care as long as you are happy. And your family? That's their problem, but I know that Sugu loves you to the end of the world and back."

Kirito blinked back the tears that were insisting on gathering in her eyes. "You think so?"

Sinon smiled and grabbed Kirito's hand again. "I know so." Her eyes flashed, and her grip tightened a bit. "And anyone doesn't then they'll have me to deal with."

That startled a laugh out of Kirito. "But Sinon, you're rather small to be saying such threatening things."

"Oi!" She grinned, flicking Kirito in the forehead. "Like you're one to talk, Shrimp."

Kirito gasped in mock outrage, then sobered. "Thank you, Sinon."

Her eyes soften and she leans back in her chair. "Any time."

 

****

Sugu cries and Asuna wraps Kirito in a hug that lasts for a good few minutes, and it's all okay. Maybe Kirito will tell the rest of their family at some point, but this is all that matters really. 

 


End file.
